On Being...Rather Than Doing

An early mentor once taught me that it is "better to burn out than rust out." For much of my career, and life, I've taken that advice to heart. As a result, I'm known, more positively, as being, "hard working" and "focused" Or, more more negatively if you prefer, as "compulsive" even "workaholic."

I assess myself more negatively than positively. The causes of my "compulsivity" and "workaholism?" They are too many for sure. Some will possibly be explored in greater detail in the future. For now it is enough to say that confusion played no small role.

The confusion I have worked most of a lifetime to unravel is the relationship between "doing" and "being." For many years I lived in the belief that "doing" is the source of my value to others and even to myself. The more I could "do" the more welcomed, popular, loved, and accepted I would be. So I became very, very busy.

When I moved from being an introvert to an extrovert at the beginning of my junior year in high school, I became involved in everything - which was very easy in a high school of less than 90 students. When I entered the work world, I worked long hours and consistently performed above and beyond the expectations of my supervisors. When one job wasn't adequate to support the needs of my family, I worked two, sometimes three, and, for a time, four jobs simultaneously. The harder I worked and the more I did, the higher my expectations, nay, hope, that it would make me more acceptable to the people from whom I most sought acceptance.

Except it didn't really seem to work out that way at all. Occasionally something I would "do" garnered brief approval. Mostly I developed high blood pressure and walked through many days exhausted as a result of the stress.

That is not to say that I didn't accomplish some good through all the "doing." However, I've since learned that much of that good came at a very high, and sadly, unnecessary price. I know now that had I become more comfortable and accepting of myself at an earlier time, I still could have accomplished the same good but without the damage the compulsive "doing" did.

In the past five years I have come to a new understanding of myself as a human being and of the importance of simply "being" a human. These essays and stories are really a continuation of my efforts to unravel the confusion of "doing" and "being." Even when they are not confused with one another, they are still inextricably related. Who I "am" will always inform what I "do." What I "do" similarly always informs who I "am." For me the secret of living well is to respect the delicate balance between these but, when it really counts, give the highest priority to "being" rather than "doing."

"Okay," you say. "That sounds good. But what the heck does it mean 'to be'?" In truth, it means different things to different people. However, I will be using this space to try to answer that question, in a more or less public way, for myself. Why? To increase my own understanding of what it means to me. To offer a small insight to other seekers who are on a similar life journey. Most significantly to me, to give my son a kind of history and perspective on a life that has profoundly impacted and shaped his own - for better and worse.